


Being Drunk and Stubborn Don't Fix A Break-Up

by Creepikat



Category: Free!
Genre: Ai is a little cutie who's not confident enough, Because they are both dumbasses, Breaking Up & Making Up, Drunken Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Hangover, Haru is understanding and comforting, M/M, Makoto is a big desesperate softie, Misunderstandings, Rin is one smooth idiot, Slight Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 03:06:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1966638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Creepikat/pseuds/Creepikat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aiichiro Nitori is the dumbest boy on the entire earth. Not only he managed to give up on the best men he ever had but now he can't even move on and stop thinking of him, craving for him. Or the time where they both wanted to jump each other but were too stubborn to admit it and too drunk to do it properly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> No sex scene so I didn't add any warning. But mention of sex times. Also I have a big crush for drunk Ai. 
> 
> _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Nitori truly wanted to drown in his glass right now. If he could have choked and died, he would have but sadly that wasn't an option at that very moment in time.

Makoto was across the room, surrounded by girls, and even by some guys. Nice, pretty, lovely girls. Girls, who giggled while they grabbed at his arms, touched his chest and caressed his hair. He knew he shouldn't be jealous. They had had their chance and they screwed it, even if their break-up was a mutual agreement.

Distance had been too much for them. If at first it had been exciting to go see his boyfriend in his university's apartment, it quickly became tiring and less frequent. They had different lives now, were in different towns, had busy schedules, regular practices and not a lot of time. Being together became binding and took too much effort. And so they took a break. They still loved each other when they did, it was a silent understanding. But they couldn't handle this way of living. They saw too much couples trying to fight the distance to know where this could be going. They made the decision to prevent becoming jealous, mean and hateful toward each other. They wanted to break-up before becoming a rotten couple. So they stopped being a couple. No more obligations, no more stress, no more tension. No risks.  
And at first it was a relief. He didn't feel as tired and pressured as before. No more need to exhaust himself trying to save their relationship. The feeling of constantly being on the edge had been soothed. This situation had been so oppressing that he didn't even miss Makoto the first few weeks.

But then realization hit him. He still loved him. Too much to move on and stop himself from feeling the pain of regretting what he did. He had always loved him, he never stopped, the situation just made him forget how much. And then he wondered if they couldn't have been braver. Maybe love was truly stronger than this. Maybe they rushed things. Maybe they could have survived.

But now it was too late. They barely spoke to each other, they just nervously asked via mails if life was alright. But nothing more. He wouldn't dare run back to him and beg to try again. Not after they both decided to put an end to it, he had to accept his decisions. He also knew it wouldn't be fair on Makoto as he would be totally capable of accepting to get back together just because he felt sorry for him. And being together because he pitied him and was too kind to refuse would be worse than the current situation. After all, maybe Makoto finally moved on and turned a page of his life. Their page. Maybe he was even writing a new one with someone else. He wouldn't blame him. He preferred to see him happy than mourning over their history. So, even if it felt sometimes vital for him to make a move and ask to try again, he didn't say anything. It would be selfish and he had already made him suffer enough. He should stay quiet and forget about all of this.

And this plan could have worked; maybe he could even have moved on too if fate hadn't decided to cruelly keep drawing them together.

Rin had been contacted by a national swimming team, a famous one, and signed to join them. So, naturally, Haru decided to celebrate it. Not because he enjoyed parties himself but because he knew it would show Rin how proud of him they were. Iwatobi and Samezuka's teams members were all invited and almost everyone answered positively. Especially former members who knew Rin well. Like Makoto.

So here they were, avoiding each other gaze and drinking to forget the other's presence. Mikoshiba was distracting him, making dumb jokes and laughing loudly, but Nitori couldn't help but wince when someone sat too close to his ex and flirtatiously interacted with him. He knew he shouldn't be so jealous. He agreed to break-up. He willingly freed Makoto. The way he acted was childish and egoistical. But he wanted to push them far away from him and sit in his lap, stare daring anyone to approach or insist. He wanted to claim him as his own even if he was the one who produced all of this mess. How could he have ever believed that breaking-up would be easier?

He was stupid. Ridiculous. And crazy.

He needed another drink.

oOo

Haruka's voice made him jump and he nearly dropped his glass. Fortunately he had good reflexes and was able to catch himself.

“Rum? That seems a bit strong for you.” Haruka teased him with his usual quiet tone and blank expression.

It made him blush a little. Plus, he wasn't always comfortable around the dark-haired boy. He was Makoto's best friend and, even if he never officially blamed him for anything, he sometimes looked at him with thoughtful, serious eyes that made him uneasy. He didn't know whether he resented him for the break-up but it looked like it.

“N...No I'm okay.”

And he was. Physically. He hadn't had enough to drink to be dizzy. The only thing that made him clumsy and weird was that Makoto was in the same house as him. At least they weren't in the same room anymore now that he was hiding in the kitchen.

“You sure look like it.”

Haruka's tone was sarcastic. Nitori shrugged and sat on the counter, trying to forget the other boy's eyes on him. He just lifted his glass to his lips, trying to appear composed.

“Is it Makoto?”

He swallowed too fast and choked on his drink, alcohol burning his throat. Surprising him, Haru came to pat his back and took the cup away from him.

“There...There...”

“I'm really, really sorry Haruka-senpai!” Nitori cut him off. “I know you surely despise me for all of this. Makoto's your best friend and I made him suffer and wasted his time and I would understand completely if you hated me but...”

“I don't.”

Nitori blinked, his flow of words ran dry.

“What?”

He didn't know how to take Haruka's words. And he was taken aback by how calm and soft he was acting towards him.

“I don't hate you.”

Another blink.

“You...don't? Why?”

Haruka nodded. Then, a sigh escaped his lips and jumped up on the counter next to Nitori.

“Makoto's a big guy. I know he's sometimes too kind for his own good. And people are easily tempted to take advantage of it. But you never did. Because you're just like him: too kind.”

Nitori didn't say a word. Haruka seemed about to talk a lot and he knew how rare that was. He wouldn't dare interrupt.

“Yes you made him suffer. But you didn't waste his time. I don't hate you even if I was angry when I saw the state he was in after you separated. In fact I nearly went to see you but he stopped me. You broke-up the right way. You both agreed to do it and you stayed respectful with each other. You talked and you didn't try to hurt the other even if the situation was hard for both of you. I kind of envy you. Rin and I can hardly argue without harsh words. Must be nice being able to stay friends in these situations. I can't hate you for making him suffer. He agreed willingly to this and he put himself in his own misery. And you suffered a lot as well. I still don't understand why you parted though.”

“We didn't want the situation to become worse.” Nitori immediately justified. “I could never have stood it if we had ended like one of those couples, always at each other's throats but refusing to break up even if it's poisoning them. I began to feel insecure and exhausted. And the worst is that seeing Makoto didn't seem worth the effort. We were too tired to really enjoy being together. It was useless to continue if it meant letting our relationship rot. I just...I thought it would be better to end it before it began to affect us. I didn't want to broke-up hating him and him hating me.”

A long silence fell on them and they quietly sipped at their glasses for a moment. Then, Rin called Haruka and he climbed off the counter. Resigned to please his boyfriend tonight. But before leaving, he turned to Nitori once more.

“I still don't hate you. But you two gave up too fast in my opinion. Rin and I are far worse than what you described, sometimes. But we keep holding on. Because I know I won't find anyone better than him. I won't love anyone more than I love him. And I'm sure it's mutual so it's worth it. If even we can make it work I can't see why you two can't. You are more welded and steady than us. I think you got scared too quickly. You didn't take any risks. You didn't break-up because you were becoming a horrible boyfriend but because you wanted to prevent any change, even if it wasn't even sure that you would become like this. And Makoto's the same. It's never easy to make a relationship work and I understand why you were scared. But you rushed things and worried too much. I don't hate you. But I hate how stupid you and Makoto can be.”

“We're not stupid!” Nitori spat back, hurt by the harsh but unfortunately true words. “It's better like this anyway. Makoto can focus on important matters now. And he can find someone in his university. Someone who will make it easy for him and won't be a burden. It's simpler.”

Haru rolled his eyes.

“It's not about what is simpler but about what you really want and what make you the happiest. Little difficulties don't mean it's going to end in a nasty way.”

“But if I can avoid causing him problems, I will.”

“Now you're really dumb. And masochist. What about you?”

“I'm okay.” He answered quickly, too quickly. “At least I will be okay. I just need some time. And I prefer to see him happy without me than keeping him and making him hate me.”

“Did you even ask him if he was okay with all this?”

“I...”

He stood, confused, staring at Haruka, who looked really annoyed now.

“Seriously...” It was more of a growl than anything else. “You're not even considering the possibility that he's thinking the same about you. You two really need to clear things once and for all.”

“We already did!” Nitori protested in a miserable whine.

“No you simply decided to run away for 'each other happiness' instead of being honest and a little selfish for once.”

“I don't see why I should be selfish, it seem like the worst thing to do here...”

“You'd be surprised at the good things that can come out of this.”

Shaking his head, the younger of the two cowered back onto the counter. More than the unbearable but right lecture it was the fact that it was Haruka who gave it to him of all people. Not that he wasn't wise but for him to interfere in others' business and talk so much, he sure pitied Nitori a lot. He didn't want to listen anymore. It was hard enough carrying the weight of his mistakes; he didn't need others reminding him of how much he screwed up.

“Nitori...”

The soft voice made him raise his head, Haruka had returned next to him, his face painted with what seemed to be guilt.

“I didn't say this to make you feel even more miserable. I just want you two to finally have the guts to talk to each other. Keeping this silent is far worse than anything else. I don't know if it will fix things, by telling Makoto how you feel but at least you will be set about all of this. Maybe you need it to move on. But I won't force you to do anything. And I still won't hate you if you don't do it. But it will relieve me because I don't like seeing you in this state. I really want you to feel better and I'm trying to help you but...It all depends on you now.”

“Thank you Nanase-san. But...I don't want to annoy Makoto anymore. He seems to be doing fine without me I don't want to trouble him again because I can't make up my mind. He doesn't need to be bothered by my own mess.”

“But what if he wants you to bother him with it?”

“What do you mean?”

“...I'm not in Makoto's head. And he doesn't tell me everything. You know how he is, like you he keeps it all to himself because he doesn't want to annoy others with his problems. But I don't think he's as fine as you believe. He was always good at acting and hiding his concerns. And I feel like it's what he's doing right now. I can't say for sure but it seems that way...It might be that he wouldn't mind being bothered by you about this. If you know what I mean.”

“But Nanase-san, we already talked about this. And I'm sure he would have made a move if he really wanted to...”

“Nitori, haven't you ever thought that maybe he's thinking the same as you? That he's as afraid to trouble you, as sure that you won't give him a chance? He misses you. I'm sure of it. I can't guarantee that he misses you enough to getting back with you. But if you don't try you will never know. So please be braver than him and go ahead.”

Words were stuck in his mouth as Haruka gently smiled at him. He didn't know that even he worried this much over them. He didn't know that the current situation even concerned others.

And what if Haruka was right? What if there was still a chance with Makoto? Would they give their relationship one more chance even if it might mean going through the difficulties they tried to avoid? For him, yes. And if Makoto didn't want to and they separated for good, at least he might finally being able to move on. Like Haruka said, knowing the truth will surely help him to realise and accept it. Maybe it will be better than being full of doubt and not getting any answers. Maybe tonight he'll finally finish with this mess, in a good or a bad way he didn't know. But at least it would be over and his mind would be at rest.

“Haru!”

Rin's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. Slightly drunk, the red-haired boy entered the kitchen and nearly fell over his boyfriend. Haruka just rolled his eyes for at least the hundredth time this night but made sure to put an arm around his lover's waist, preventing him from falling on the floor.

“Why didn't you come when I called you?” He whined with a childish pout. “It's my party and you have to do whatever I want you to do!”

“Right...” Nitori almost giggled when Haruka sent him a desperate look. These two were sometimes a real sight for sore eyes.

“Come on let's have fuuuun! And do you know who's having fun too?” Rin asked in a conspiratorial tone.

“No idea but I have the feeling you're going to tell me soon.”

“Awww Haru you're so clever...Well, it's Makoto.”

Nitori felt his body stiffening and his heart missing a beat. Haruka glanced worriedly at him and tried to stop Rin from saying what he had to say. But it was too late.

“I never would have imagined him being this popular ! You know Midori ? You know this chick with big boobs and big lips and big everything but who's smoking as hell ? Well she nearly devoured his face two minutes ago ! And I think I saw them going up the stairs ! Wouldn't surprise me if someone gets lucky tonight ! At least it means he can finally get over his break-up with...Oh hi Nitori, are you enjoying the par-”

But even drunk realization seemed to reach his brain.

“Oh shit...Ai I didn't want to...I swear I...”

But he had said enough to make him run away and find another room to hide his pain. At least he had the intelligence to take the rum bottle with him before. Now there was no way he could talk to Makoto. Like never ever again.


	2. Chapter 2

Lips ghosted over his neck and he shivered in disgust. It wasn't good, it was nothing compared to what he was used to.

He tried, he really tried to move on too. To experiment. After everyone said that you have to experiment with different partners to be sure of what you want. But he couldn't, he was incapable of moving on like Makoto and just flirt with any girl or boy he meets at a party. And he was unable to forget how much better it was with Makoto.

“I'm sorry...” He whispered, pushing the guy away. “I just...I don't think I can do this.”

He smiled to the boy who faced him before sliding off his arms. It was useless. The guy was cute, nice, cool. But he wasn't Makoto. He wasn't enough for him. Walking away, he didn't see the boy coming after him with a pure look of determination on his face.

“Hey ! Not too fast sweetie...” He said with a smooth voice. “You can't just start things and leave me in this state.”

“I said I was sorry...” Nitori protested. “And I am. Really. I just thought that I was going to enjoy it but...I think I'm not ready yet. You see I broke-up recently and...I just need to...I think I still need time before...”

“And I think you think too much. Just relax and see what happens okay ?”

Nitori nodded, unsure. But when he saw those lips coming closer, his mind told him to run away. It was instinctive. He couldn't do this. But it was too late. Before he could escape, the boy pinned him on the wall and kissed him, deep. Alcohol was the only thing Ai could taste on his tongue. It was sloppy and messy, not really bad but not something he could enjoy. Even if he was kind of drunk, that still wasn't enough to let this guy do as he wanted.

As he pushed him away he could see disappointment appear on the boy face. But this time he let him go, looking resigned.

“Sorry but no. Not tonight.”

“What about some other time ?” The boy asked hopefully.

“I'm not sure...maybe. It's just...It's not you but I don't want this right now. So please could you...”

He didn't need to finish his phrase, the guy already took some step away from him, hands up in a sign of defeat.

“Okay I get it. That's okay. I just wished we could have go further tonight because damn you're cute but...I don't want to be the asshole and I still hope that I can have another chance. So here's my number. If you ever get over this guy remember to call me. Okay ?” He smiled gently at him before taking his phone and saving his number into his contacts. “Here you go. Just...Call me if you need someone to move on with.”

He was so nice that it was almost unreal. Even if he insisted a little, he respected him. Lots of boys would have tried to force themselves on him, he knew because he already experimented with it once or twice. But him, no. Even drunk and horny he just accepted his rejection and only asked him to call if he wanted to try something. He had a guy this nice under his hand and he wasn't even able to take this opportunity. Why he couldn't be normal and just say yes ? Why does his world have to revolve around Makoto ? Why did he have to think of him, to compare him with every boy he met ?

He didn't say yes because he knew this guy would only be a way of reminding him how much better it was with Makoto. He would only take advantage of him in order to forget his ex, in vain. He already knew the end. It wouldn't be enough, it wouldn't be as great and he would soon break-up with this guy because Makoto would be the only thing he could think about. And he would feel guilty for giving him hope and he would hate himself for being such a helpless idiot. It wasn't pessimistic. He tried it once and that's how it turned out. It only served to make him feel even lonelier.

Was he destined to stay this way ? His heart locked in Makoto's hands and unable to ever take it back ? Even for the most caring of boys ?

This one was looking at him expectantly and he felt sorry for rejecting. Honestly, if he wasn't sure the boy held a real interest in him, he would had given it a try. But he couldn't just use his feelings and throw him away some weeks later because he wouldn't be enough and because it would be impossible to return his feelings.

“I will S...Sat...”

“Satoru.” See ? He didn't even remember his name. He never thought he would ever consider himself a jerk but right now...

“I will.” He lied. This guy deserved more than a messed up boy with a stupid obsession with his ex. He was too nice to waste his time with Nitori. The boy gave him a small smile and made his way back to the party.

Tired, he just left after the boy, quitting the dark corridor where they had kissed. Not the most private of places but everybody was too busy making-out or getting drunk to notice anyway.

“Wow man I didn't see you there, sorry!” He heard coming from the next room.

It was Satoru who surely bumped into someone. Not giving it much attention, he followed his path.

Until he bumped too into someone.

Dizzy with alcohol and confused by his thoughts, he angrily looked up at the guy, ready to give him a piece of his mind about getting in everyone's way. He couldn't. Makoto looked down at him with hazy questioning eyes.

“Sorry I...” The taller tried to finish but words seemed stuck in his throat as his eyes wandered over Nitori. He didn't know if it was because of tiredness, alcohol or something else but he looked as lost as him. “I...”

He just stood there, silent, just staring dumbly at his former boyfriend. Nitori couldn't say if it was the party's effects or just the fact of being confronted by his ex-lover but Makoto paled and kept on gaping at him. Like he was unable to walk or looking away from Ai. And then, like as if he was in some confused trance, he gently but firmly touched his shoulder.

“I'm...I'm sorry...Didn't see you there...You know the dark...Plus I'm pretty wasted so...” He tried to justify himself. But his tone slowly faded as his eyes started to anchor into Nitori's.

Ai felt like he had been frozen. They were here, just a hand away from each other. He didn't need this. He was so vulnerable, so needy, so desperate at the moment. Deception still filled his mind and mouth. And now the one responsible of all of this showed up, bumped into him, touched him and literally stripped him with his eyes. Eyes he could only stare into. They were filled with confusion but also with...desire ? Was it true or was it a trick of his imagination? Was he inventing the temptation he saw in those pupils because he was himself craving for something grander than what he had tasted some minutes ago? Something he knew he could only find in Makoto.

He knew he was weak for him. But he thought he was strong enough to keep his dignity and just avoid him instead of getting struck under his gaze like under some spell. He thought he would at least be able to pull his hand away from him and go away without turning back. It seems not.

“Are you okay ?” Makoto asked him. He didn't know if he wanted to know if he was recovering from the shock or if he was asking if his entire life was okay. But he didn't care even if he had a good and bitter answer for the last one.

Suddenly he was captivated by the lips questioning him. Even in the dim light he could guess their shape. He remembered their shape. And their taste. So much better, so much less insipid than the previous ones. In the haziness of alcohol and emotions, he found himself irrevocably summoned by them. And then Makoto passed a nervous tongue on his dried lips. And Nitori was damned.

“No.”

Makoto could only gasp when he pulled him into a kiss.

 

**oOo**

 

A breath on the nape of his neck was the first thing he noticed when he woke up. And then skin against his own. A limb thrown over his waist. And a whole body pressed into his back.

His head heavy and foggy, he blinked a couple of time before he could clearly see where he was and what was glued to him. And it didn't please him. Not in the least.

In a hasty backlash, he crawled away from Makoto. Luckily, his messy movements just made the boy growl and turn back. Nitori just stared at him, eyes wide, as he hid his naked form in the sheets. And then he realized he was very naked too. Entirely. Not even in boxers.

A wave of panic harassed him and he tried to recover his memories, tried to remember why they were in this state in the same bed.

_“Ai...I don't think this is a good idea...I mean...We're not together...Not anymore...And we're drunk...You're drunk...You don't know what you're doing...”_

_“Oh shut up !”_

_A very surprised Makoto looked at him and he took advantage of this reaction to yank him back to him._

Oh god...Oh god...He actually assaulted his ex-boyfriend because he was too full of alcohol and desperation to refrain himself.

_“I...You...We shouldn't...”_

_He wasn't very convincing while he returned his kiss, responding in a more and more passionate way to this sudden attack. But the short resistance he showed was destroyed when Nitori caught him in a very intimate and very indecent place._

He was...He was nothing but a whore. That was it. He was a whore unable to resist to his crazy and disgusting lust. Makoto tried to talk some sense into him and the only way he found to answer was to grab him...down there! Oh god he was such a whore! It was so unlike him How, even drunk, could he have being so bold and...slutty ! In his eyes they weren't words strong enough to describe him...And it got worse when the rest started to come back.

_“I need it Makoto. I need you. I need you to stop flirting around with these...These bitches. If you need someone tonight just take me then.”_

_“Nitori stop.” When Makoto used his last name it meant he was driven into a corner. And if you pushed him a little...Either he will storm away...Either he will yield in a blink._

_“Makoto...Please...Just this once...Just one more time...”_

Hiding his red face in his shaking hands, he tumbled out of the bed and landed on the carpeted floor, which then cushioned his fall, preserving the silence in the room. Nitori shook his head, trying to pull himself together.

How far did they go ? Was the first question that came to his mind.

He carefully got to his feet, looking for any pain in his moving body. But none came except from his head, due to his slight hangover. His hips were perfectly fine: no soreness, no excruciating pain, nothing. A relieved sigh concluded his inspection. But he still had something to check. His eyes searched any mirror in the room and finally saw one. He silently made his way towards it, afraid of what he would see.

Hickeys. Hickeys everywhere. On his neck, on his shoulders, on his chest, even on his...shit...even on his nipple.

_Warm lips and greedy teeth assaulted his skin. Sucking, licking, kissing ferociously. They traced a secret path to his most sensible spots, knowing what they were doing. But he shouldn't be protesting since he was the one who started all of this by guiding them blindly into a room and brushing at a very intimate place he knew would drive Makoto mad._

Unable to stand his reflection, he turned his attention back to Makoto and to the bed they shared.

He felt himself melt in front of Makoto sleeping serenely, his body lifting quietly with each breathe inwards, his features relaxed in his slumber. He always had been quite the sight in the morning. All sleepy but always calm and smiling at him like he was the best thing he could see at his awakening. Unfortunately the warm feeling that engulfed his chest was quickly replaced by guilt. The current situation didn't allow him any glee.

_“Ai stop me now or...”_

_“Shhhh...Please go on...”_

_A spasm of pure pleasure hit him and he felt incredibly great and upset at the same time._

_“Now please...Please take me Makoto...Please...”_

_The violent feeling faded away and he felt at rest. He wanted to slip in this bliss. And then his mind went blank._

Then, nothing. Not a memory about what happened after. If they didn't go all the way, they still probably had a wild make-out session last night. The hickeys are the proof of that. The white stripes across the blue sheets too. And these little scratches in Makoto's back. The whole picture gave him nausea. Or was it the hangover ? Oh he didn't care at this point. He just knew he was going to be sick if he stayed there any much longer.

He needed to go. Not only because he was sure he was going to vomit. But it was also for Makoto's sake. If he could save him from the awkward confrontation he would. He didn't sign up for this. It was Nitori who took advantage of his state and who literally assaulted him in order to satisfy his needs. Needs he created himself by breaking-up with his former lover. He accepted the separation and Makoto wishes and now he jumped on him like some kind of desperate whore. Makoto didn't deserve this. And he certainly didn't deserve an embarrassing conversation with him about what happened last night. He would only say how he regretted this and would apologize like it was his fault. Ai was sure he wouldn't even be mad at him even if he had every reasons to be. He was too damn kind for his own sake.

No he wouldn't impose anything on him. He was the one who should assume and deal with this by himself. He was the one who deserved to feel guilty for this, not him.

Making his mind, he picked his clothes from the floor. Putting on his boxers, his jean, his t-shirt, he then looked for his shoes. And found it. Makoto's hoodie. The one he curled in when he was cold or just wanted to fell asleep surrounded by his scent. He always gave him his hoodie when he came to his home. Instinctively, he brought it up to his face and buried his nose in it. It was still there, strong and powerful, Makoto's scent. It hadn't changed at all, the same mix of his very own personal scent, of his detergent and of his natural woody perfume. Tears threatened to fall so he swiftly put it back on the floor. For a minute he was tempted to steal it but he knew it would only be a horrid way to prove how obsessed he was with Makoto. He didn't want to transform into a stalker or worst. He wasn't like that.

Mentally lecturing himself, he finally found his shoes and started to put them on. Back turned to the bed, he didn't notice the sheets moving.

“Ai? What're you doing?”

 

**oOo**

 

It felt like his lungs were going to explode.

_“What do you mean by 'I'm leaving' ?” Makoto asked, voice groggy with sleep, not totally realizing what was going on._

_“Makoto I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I swear I was planning to leave before you woke up but...”_

_“Wowowow! One minute! What did you say ?” His eyes suddenly widened._

_“Again I'm sorry, please forgive me I'm just...I'm just going to leave...I'm sorry for all of this.”_

_“W..wait Ai...Ai ! No ! Wait a minute, let me...” He clumsily attempted to grab his own clothes and started to sit up. His gestures were hesitant, surely affected by his own hangover or by his confusion._

_“Oh no, no, no Makoto. No. Just...Just go back to sleep and let me leave. It's...It's simpler I swear. You don't have to...”_

_“Don't have to what? Ai, I swear if you leave I'll...” Makoto grounded, trying to stand up despite his abashed state. It made Nitori squeal in panic._

_“I'm sorry.”_

And here he was. Hurtling down the streets, running away from the house to the next train station. Hoping that he won't have to wait too long before getting one and returning to his dorms before locking himself up for the rest of his miserable life. He really wanted to cry but he saved his tears for when he was in the privacy of his room, all alone by himself.

His shoes weren't laced up well and one of them was threatening to flee but he didn't really care. Nor he did care for the jacket he forgot at the party or the hickeys he knew everyone could see. He was only focused on the road in front of him and on running away from Makoto.

Finally, he reached the train station, and relaxed immediately when he saw that the next shuttle arrived in five minutes. Letting himself sprawl on the nearest bench, he tried to sort out the mess that was his hair. Forgetting Makoto, what happened the night before and his upset feelings, he replaced them with a big soothing emptiness. He started to finally regain his composure when the train stopped in front of him. At least the odds seemed to be in his favour when it came to running away.

Too exhausted to even salute the controller, he just showed his pass and took a seat in a corner. Here, curled around himself and eyelids firmly closed, he finally let his whole being relax. He was safe, he was far away from that place and from him. He just had to make it to his dorm and he'd finally be able to take a hot brain-washing shower and hide in his bed until his fill.

“Oi ! Young man that's not the way to dress when you go outside ! If you're going to stay like this get out of my train !”

“I'm sorry sir ! I have clothes, see ? I promise I'll put them on, just let me in please.”

Nitori's eyes shot open and fell on Makoto. A very shirtless, breathless and pissed off Makoto.


	3. Chapter 3

Petrified, he observed Makoto entering the train with an incredulous expression. When he came a little too close, he jumped out of his lethargy and sank in his seat. Noticing his fear, he seemed to think for a second before backing off and sitting a little farther. The controller gave him a suspicious glare and he definitely didn't want to make a scene. Since he climbed in shirtless, the controller seemed to be searching for the perfect excuse to throw him off the train. So he stayed in his place as quietly as he could, staring intensely at Nitori. Like a warning to make him understand that he will pay the second he steps off the train.

He decided to avoid his gaze and to concentrate on the landscapes, watching out for his stop. He was so on edge that he was shaking; he felt as if he could jump out of the train, at any moment.

What was Makoto thinking? He gave him a chance to avoid any kind of awkward conversation and the idiot was running after him. Maybe he's angry with him? Maybe he wasn't as kind as Nitori thought.

He didn't want any confrontation. He was ready to confess all his faults and take responsibility for all of it, if it could calm Makoto and save him from a fight. He was ready to do it right now if it could stop Makoto from coming after him when he got out the train.

Unfortunately, he didn't have the guts to go talk to him. And with a witness as strict as the controller it would have been impossible to burst out here.

Makoto's stare was unbearable and impossible to escape. Even when he looked away he could feel it on him. It made his heart pounding in his chest and his whole body sweating in fear and regret. Why did he have to do this? Why did he have to be one of those stupid exes who couldn't move on and always found a way to mess things up even more? Why did he have to have this weird and disgusting obsession with Makoto that made him reject anyone else and act like a...like a whore?!

Oh yeah it was surely worth it last night, when they were making-out. It was surely really pleasant to finally taste what he craved for the last few months. But at result? Look at them! Wasn't it pitiful? They spent a night together after a break-up and it ended like this: Nitori running away from the problems he created himself and Makoto chasing after him, shirtless and deciding to confront him. Pitiful he said.

He saw something moving from the corner of his eyes but didn't react in time when suddenly Makoto was sat next to him. His face was devoid of any emotion with a hint of determination. The younger of the two gulped and feeling slightly suffocated.

“We're going to get off the train at the next stop.” Makoto quietly said, like they were having a perfectly friendly conversation. But the glint in his eyes told him that he didn't have a choice in the matter.

Trying to calm his breathing and fighting back the panic that was creeping up on him, he didn't protest when a hand caught his wrist and forced him to stand up. He barely saw the face of the controller as they passed in front of him, his eyes full of contained tears. He didn't want this, he didn't want to talk to Makoto and even less to be confronted about last night. But he knew he didn't have any choice and the strong grip his ex had on his wrist scared him.

He didn't want to be lectured. He didn't want to see Makoto angry or disappointed in him. He didn't want to hear a reminder of why they weren't together anymore and why they won't ever be again. He didn't want to hear him say that he'd moved on and that Nitori would no longer be apart of his life if he kept behaving like this. He didn't want to hear him say that it was really over, once and for all.

That's why he waited for the opportune moment to get away. It came when his ex's grip vanished for a split second. But he wasn't counting on Makoto's fast reflexes. He didn't even make ten steps before he was on him, his hands grabbing his shoulders and forcing Nitori to face him.

“None of this Ai! No more running away, okay? We have to talk.”

“I don't want to...” The younger one whispered, facing the ground.

“What? Listen Ai. I really need to talk to you and you're not helping me by...”

“I don't want to! I don't want to!”

“Ai! Calm down!” Makoto ordered him, shocked by his sudden outburst.

“No! I know what you're going to say and I don't want to hear it! I know you hate me, I know I'm horrible and I know I need to stay away from you! Why did you even followed me?! I was saving you from the pain of having to talk to me! Are you stupid or what? You could have avoided me but no you just came after me like, like...Like a freakin moron!”

“What?! Ai, please calm down a minute!”

“No! No, no, no! I don't want to be calm, I don't want to listen to you! Please let me go, I promise I won't annoy you again! I'm sorry, I really am! I apologize for last night, I apologize for taking advantage of you, I apologize for being such a whore so now let me...”

The slap he received made him stop mid-sentence, catching his breath.

A pregnant silence followed, only broken by Makoto's horrified apology.

“God Ai, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please don't run away, I know you have every reason to but please don't. I...I didn't intend to...Shit Ai, I'm sorry.”

It was like he was crumbling down, all of his rage replaced by guilt and panic. Eyes watering with anxiety, he reached toward Nitori and put a hesitant hand on his swollen cheek.

“Please Ai...Oh baby no don't cry, I didn't want to...It wasn't my intention it's just that I couldn't stand to hear you calling yourself that...Please don't cry babe, don't cry.”

Petrified in shock, he didn't even realize that tears were running down his face. Silent tears without sobs. He was too stunned to really cry.

Then he snapped out of his astonishment. But was even more stupefied when he saw similar tears staining Makoto's face.

“M'okay.” He mumbled, barely conscious of the pain caused by the slap.

It was like this gesture weirdly calmed him. Even crying, he felt so much more quiet and lucid. And instinctively he even tried to mirror Makoto's caress on the his face.

“M'okay don't cry.”

“I'm just...Sorry Ai I didn't mean to do that, I swear I won't hurt you anymore. I just...You're not a...whore. I just couldn't let you say that. And I was already so angry that I just...I overreacted. But you're not a whore. And what you did...What we did last night, we need to talk about it. At least I need to. You can't even imagine how frustrated I was when I saw you try to sneak away.”

“Why?”

Nitori asked, strangely calm and steady. Makoto gulped and took a big breath of air, stopping his own tears.

“I'll explain. But I need to sort my ideas out first. Can we..Can we find a place to talk? I mean, somewhere more private? I swear I won't harm you again Ai. Please, I just need to talk about this and to clear things up. And I think you need this too.”

Nitori tried to sort through his messed up mind. He was still afraid of talking to Makoto. But the latter was right. They needed this. And he had to stop running away. If he ever had some respect toward Makoto's feelings, he had to give in for once. Those rare tears shouldn't fall for nothing. He had to yield this time, for Makoto's sake.

Maybe it was the tears. Maybe it was the slap. But something in his mind clicked and now all he could do was put up with the inevitable instead of eternally fleeing from it. Finally he was ready to accept and face it. Because now he really didn't have a choice.

“Ai?”

The softness and care in this tone surprised him once more. And he nodded without thinking.

 

oOo

 

“So...Let's talk...I...”

Just like he predicted, it was awkward. The shock had passed and the anxiety was coming back, submerging his mind like a tidal wave. Well, at least now he had resigned to confront it, he didn't really have much choice anyway. Not when Makoto was looking at him every five seconds like he was going to disappear at some point if he didn't watch him. Plus he'd bought him a chocolate and took him to one of his favourite places, on a bench right in front of the beach. The least he could do was repay him by giving him the opportunity to talk.

“Yeah.” He said, unsure and uneasy.

Now that they both calmed down, Makoto seemed a little less determined and a lot more nervous. Like he wasn't really sure about what he wanted to tell him at first. But he started to talk anyway.

“Why did you run away? Especially after what happened last night?”

Nitori took a sip of his drink before answering. He had to calm his nerves and clear his mind.

“Well...I wasn't really proud of myself. I mean...I was drunk, I assaulted you and I practically forced you so...I didn't want to impose an awkward conversation on you when you weren't responsible for what happened...”

“Hold on. You really think you forced me?”

“Well. You were drunk and confused and maybe a little horny after being around those chicks and I took advantage of that. I forced you to kiss me and I forced you to make-out with me and...I didn't ask if you wanted to, I just...forced you.”

“Okay I hate to say this but you're being kind of stupid right now.”

Ai jumped and lifted his chin up. Makoto's tone was more than annoyed and he had this upset look that meant he was trying not to snap at him.

“Ai I'm a big guy. I was maybe a little drunk but not enough to allow myself to be forced by anyone. If I really didn't want this back then I would just have pushed you away. Even excited and dizzy I would never, never have let anyone take advantage of me. And you wouldn't have been an exception if I really didn't want you last night. So stop trying to take all the responsibility. I let you drag me into that bed and I willingly and consciously participated in what we did in it. I can take responsibility for what I did.”

“But you...”

“No let me finish. Please.”

The taller boy took a deep breath and a sip of his own drink before continuing.

“I wanted it. And I enjoyed it. As much as you did. It's been a few months since I decided that I wanted to get back with you. And when I finally thought that this break was over, that you were giving me another chance...I just woke up to find you ready to leave me. I don't think you can imagine how disappointed and upset I was. I thought you were coming back to me Ai and then you just...You leave me because you think you forced me and that I was unable to say no! Damn it, Ai! You can be so dumb sometimes!”

Tears filled his eyes, once again, in front of Nitori's shocked ones. A big ball of guilt formed in his throat and he looked at the ground, ashamed.

So he was wrong? Makoto really did want this as much as him? Did he miss him as much as he did?

“I'm sorry, I thought that it was just...I don't know, a one night stand? I didn't know that it meant more to you...I thought...”

“Well stop assuming and ask people what they feel before deciding in their place!”

The other boy was now positively furious. Even if he held back his anger, fist clenching and eyes shut, Nitori knew him enough to see that.

“I'm sorry.” He repeated dumbly. After all it seemed that being dumb was the only thing he could do now.

“And stop saying that. I don't want you to be sorry, I want you to talk to me.”

“Fine. About what?”

“Are you doing this on purpose?” Exasperation tainted his voice.

Then he did something that totally troubled Ai. He forced him to straighten up and turn his way. And then he took his hands, eyes searching his own, full of hope and sincerity.

“I want you to talk about what you felt last night. About why you did this. Was it nothing more than a fling for you or...”

“No!” He whined miserably, suddenly reacting. Then he realized how pitiful it sounded and looked down again, fleeing Makoto's stare.

“No?” Makoto repeated, voice shaking with what seemed to be relief.

A warm hand gently brushed his cheek, forcing him to face him again. When a little pain shot through his swollen skin, he winced. Only a little but a little too much for Makoto's taste.

“Sorry about this.” He grumbled, visibly angry at himself. Never in their relationship had Makoto even tried to hit him. He was exactly the kind of guy you had to push to the edge before they lost control. And even then, he felt guilty for using his fists to solve a problem. So he must have been really surprised and disgusted by himself when his hand slapped his own ex-boyfriend. Actually, he was definitely angrier at himself for that than he was at Nitori for running away.

“I'll find something for your cheek. Just stay here okay? Please stay here.”

He made his way to the store where they bought their coffee, regularly looking over his shoulder, making sure that Nitori stayed glued to the bench. Well, even if he easily could flee he wouldn't. It would really be too cowardly now, even for him.

Instead he finished his hot chocolate, staring blankly at the quiet sea to clear his head and chase away his anxiety. The sound of waves always had a good effect on him. It was a nice, repetitive and calm sound, one that could make you forget for a moment how complicated and exhausting life was. Exactly what he needed right now.

He had to summarize what just happened between him and Makoto. First it seemed that he wasn't the only one who craved for the other. And not just in a sexual way. He dared hope that Makoto still wanted him to come back, that he wanted them to be a thing again. Even if he surely lowered his hopes and betrayed his trust by abandoning him this morning. Good Nitori. Perfect. You might really have destroyed any chance to be with him again, without even knowing it. Makoto was right. He supposed that the brunette would reject him, he made a decision in his place and he imagined the worst scenario possible. Because it was much simpler than confronting Makoto and risking another heartbreak. Because he was a dumb coward.

Suddenly a cold pressure enveloped his hurt cheek and he looked up at Makoto. The latter had come back and tried to ease the pain with an ice cold soda can.

“Better?” He inquired. Nitori had to admit that, yes, it was much better. Not only the can, the attention too. He only nodded, touched by the worry he saw in those green caring eyes.

“Why are you so nice?” He couldn't help but ask.

Why Makoto seemed surprised by this question was a mystery. After all, he only did him wrong. Not even once did he seem to do anything right. He just hurt Makoto again and again.

“What?”

“Why are you so nice? You said it yourself. I hurt you by assuming how you felt about this. I gave you hope and then I deceived you. Why are you still so nice and caring when all I do is screw everything with my stupidity?”

A deep sigh escaped the older boy's lips.

“Stop insulting yourself. You're not stupid. But you did stupid things that's for sure. And you're not the only one if that comforts you.”

“You're not stupid.” He protested. “I just confused you with my...”

“Ai. Stop.”

Authority filled his voice now, shutting his mouth for good and allowing Makoto to finish his speech. What could he say apart aside that he was stupid anyway?

“True, it was stupid of you to think I would have sex with you and then reject you. You know me better than that, at least I hope. This lack of faith in me is really hurtful. I mean even if I didn't love you anymore I would never do this to you.”

“...Even if you didn't love me?”

Crimson slightly tainted Makoto's face. His hand scratched the back of his head in a typical gesture of shyness.

“That's not the case. I mean it's not like I...Actually...Do not like you anymore.” He quickly added to prevent any misunderstanding. “If I didn't I would never have done this with you. I...I thought it was the same for you back then so...”

“W...Wait a moment. You still really love me?”

“Yes, otherwise I don't see why I would be so upset with this whole affair.”

“And...And you didn't judge it clever to tell me this last night? Before the morning and before I tried to leave?”

“I thought it was clear back then...”

So...Makoto had been keeping to himself the fact that he still loved him...If he was so lucid and so able to think even drunk, why didn't he tell him this sooner? Like before they messed up everything? It would have been a lot more easier for Ai and he never would have fled if Makoto actually told him this before...And he dared reproach him for not being able to guess it?...He got angry at him for assuming he knew what his thoughts were and Only for him to blame him for not doing that very thing?...What kind of shit was this?!

“Well how was I supposed to know?!” Nitori suddenly snapped at him, standing on his feet. “We broke-up and you never tried to get me back since. If you really wanted me so much why did you not called me? Why did you never say anything? I'm not a psychic!”

God, Makoto's sheepish smile was unnerving. He was finally lecturing him but all he could do was smile at him.

“That's why I'm an idiot too. Because I did exactly the same thing as you. I told myself you didn't want me back because I was too afraid to try something and be rejected. I was just waiting for something like this to happen. So I apologize for being a fool and a coward too.”

“Great. So we're both idiots.” Nitori huffed, hiding his face in his arms and ignoring Makoto. Now that he realized that his ex had been as blind, stubborn and stupid as him, he wasn't going to pity him anymore. God he didn't even know if he wanted to laugh or cry right now.

Bits of his previous conversation with Haruka came back to mind. So he was right. Makoto really felt the same as him and really acted the same stupid way toward him. They both avoided the other despite their feelings because they didn't want to bother each other. Really they made a good pair, a good pair of fools. Haruka wasn't far from the truth when he said that their idiocy was infuriating.

God, when he thought about all the unnecessary stress and drama they caused themselves, it just drove him mad. Now he realized they were both responsible and the victim in all this. And he realized that he really wanted to hug Makoto and break his neck at the same time. Jeez all of this was utterly ridiculous and messed up.

But he still had one more thing to check. One particular thing that pretty much started this the night before. Something that still bothered him, regardless of what Makoto could say to him.

“And what about the girls?”

“The girls?”

“Yeah the girls you idiot! How was I supposed to guess that you still loved me when you seemed to be enjoying their company so much? Sorry for assuming to know what you were feeling but you looked pretty happy with them.”

Makoto blinked a few times, incredulous, before retorting.

“You're one to talk! Yesterday what were you doing in that corridor with that guy? Everybody knew that he jumped on everyone even if he don't know them!”

“You're wrong! His name is Satoru and we didn't do anything last night! And you didn't answer me: what about the girls, what about that girl, Midori who dragged you upstairs?”

“W...What ?! Oh for god's sake Ai I took her to the bathroom where she threw up everywhere! And anyway I thought you didn't like me anymore, I had every right to let them flirt with me.”

“Same here.”

“So you admit that you were flirting?”

“We...We just kissed once or twice but nothing more.”

“Oh really? And what about the hickeys all over your neck?”

This time Nitori's mind went blank before boiling like never before.

“Those are your fault! You covered me with them you moron!”

Makoto gaped at him for a couple of minute, with the grace of a carp. Then a shameful blush covered his whole face matching Nitori's one.

“Oh...”

“Yes. For someone who says that he enjoyed last night you really have some memory troubles don't you?”

“Sorry...I just...I didn't remember being so...fierce...back then.”

“Well believe me or not but you were. And you were the only one to be 'fierce' with me last night. And even all of my nights since we broke-up.”

“You...You mean...You didn't date anyone since we...”

"Just one guy.”

The hopeful emotion vanished off the older boy's face. Why was he hopeful anyway? It wasn't like Nitori had to save his body for him. Even if he did it anyway...

“But not for long.”

“Why? Did he do anything to you?”

No the worry he read in Makoto's expression did not make him melt. Not at all.

“No he was fine. But our relation wasn't interesting, I wasn't satisfied with it and...I put an end to it before he got his hopes up. Yesterday with Satoru it was pretty much the same.”

“Oh...”

This time relief did not totally take over the brunette, he was on guard. On good reason.

“What about you?”

Now, Makoto seemed even less at ease, almost guilty.

“Actually...You know how the university life is Ai, I told you about this..I had a few partners..Boys and girls..But they were just flings, I never really tried something serious with them.” He quickly added in a vain attempt to erase the bitter expression of Nitori's face.

The latter crossed his arms, head down, trying to contain his emotions. Of course, he should have guessed. After all it was normal, right? Makoto was a grown-up men, he was independent and attended parties from time to time. And university was the perfect time and place to experiment. Beside they broke up, he had the right to do it, it was normal, it was expected, he had no right to be angry at him for this.

“You're angry?” Makoto asked, apparently reading his mind.

“Honestly I want to be but...I have no right. We weren't together anymore and...It happened after we broke-up right?”

A horrible fear pierced his mind...No Makoto would never...He was totally faithful and they didn't break up because they were bored with the one another, he would never have..

“Of course !” The older jumped from the bench and came closer to him, capturing his shoulders in his big palms.

“Ai I would never, ever have done that to you. It started after we ended our relationship, and it was only because I thought...I feel terrible about all this but I did it because I thought I could forget you that way. That I would find someone who would...I don't know replace you? In the end I realized that I was only searching for someone who could remind me of you, I was just chasing a dim copy of what we had because, honestly, I could never find someone who was nearly as good. I know this sounds cliché but I'm not lying and I'm not trying to make you feel sorry for me or whatever. But I swear that the only thing that pushed me to do this was the hope that I could find a connection similar to ours. But it never worked. The morning after I just asked myself why I had to be so stupid. I felt guilty towards my partner because sometimes I even imagined it was with you that I was doing it, not them. And I still felt guilty towards you, for trying to replace you like that.”

He took a deep breath and Ai waited, knowing he wasn't finished.

“Tell me if you want me to stop, you surely don't want me to talk about my other partners after all. I'm sorry it wasn't really delicate of me.”

“No, please do. I think..I think that we both need to speak about the last few months. I feel like you really need to explain this to me.”

“Thank you...”

Makoto gave him a watery smile and Ai tried to return it. After all they were already too far gone to stop. They needed to release all these months of frustration.

“The only time I tried to have a real date with one of my partners it was so...So deceiving. I couldn't appreciate them because I always comparing them to you and they obviously couldn't compete. When we had sex it was easy to fake it, it was quick and easy, not even unpleasant most of the time. But when we spent time together, when we talked it was plain. They were nice but we had no common interests or...Or...I don't know, really. The only thing I could think about was that I wanted you to be here instead of them and sometimes I took their hand and hugged them and tried to tell myself it was you. But it wasn't, it wasn't your body and your curves, it wasn't you scent, it wasn't your skin, I never realized how much I knew about you until then. After some time I just stopped trying all together. I just concentrated on my studies and avoided flirting because I knew it would be too painful in the end.”

“And last night...I found that urge again. The sensations, the feelings, just...You. When I touched you it was like I discovered you all over again and yet it felt so familiar and so good. The only thing that came to my mind was 'Finally it's over, he's here'. It was like...I came home...Sort of...I don't know honestly I was just so glad, it was like everything went back to normal, everything was right and perfect. And then you tried to run away and I was so afraid I would lose all of this again so...You know the next part...”

He paused, apparently exhausted by this confession, then squezed Nitori's sides like he was urging him to answer to this. Except that Ai couldn't. He was still digesting that huge pack of information, trying to analyze all of what Makoto said correctly.

“I...I...Don't know how to respond to that. It's just..I want to be angry at you for trying to replace me instead of just telling me the truth. But I know it was hard for you and honestly I'm the last one who should lecture you about this. I don't really know what to say except that I'm not angry at you. And that last night it was exactly like you said. Everything was right for the first time in months. And even if I tried to leave I didn't want to, I wanted to stay there and be with you again but I just assumed...You wouldn't want the same. When you actually did. God, why did we broke-up again?”

“Because we are two cowards who couldn't handle some lovers' quarrel without freaking out.”

“In the end I would have preferred to have a real big fight with you instead of this. Seriously, in order to protect each other we made us go through one of the most painful times of our life. We destroyed our relation instead of preserving it.”

He tiredly ran a hand down his face. What could either of them say? They both had been really stupid and the pain they endured was only due to their foolishness. They couldn't throw the fault at the other, they were both guilty and were too stubborn to admit it and come back on their decision.

“You think it's too late to fix this?”

He stared up and met Makoto eyes. The older boy pushed himself to be bold and slid his arms around Nitori's waist and pressed his forehead against the other boy's. But Nitori never made a move to push him away, he missed this too much to refuse it. It was the end of their foolishness now.

“No. If you forgive me for this morning, for being a coward, I want us to get back together.”

“You sure?” The brown haired man seemed hesitant, like he couldn't believe Nitori. “I mean I made it clear that I really want to be with you again but don't feel forced because of my speech.”

“I'm going to punch you.”

He knew it surely sounded ridiculous and that lot of people would have laughed at him for that outburst, but it made Makoto eyes widened nonetheless.

“Did you not listen to me? I want you. I can't stand this situation anymore and I was so desperate for you that I jumped on you last night. If that's not enough proof for you...I really, really want you and if you ask me one more time if I am sure I think I am going to cry because I'm freaking tired of all this nonsense and misunderstanding and I just want to kiss you right now and have everything go back to normal. I've wanted everything to go back to normal for months now so stop asking me if I am damn sure and just...”

His words were lost in the deep of his throat, tightened in his restrained sobs. He was tired, so tired of all of this. He just wanted to stop thinking, stop asking if everybody was sure, stop worrying about everything and every word. He just wanted to stop talking and take action instead. So, he let his instinct talk for him and grabbed Makoto's head to drag him into a kiss. A messy, clumsy but liberating kiss.

It felt so much better, so much more real than last night, when it was just a distant and blurry feeling. Now it was more than physical. They both knew what this meant and what the other felt. And it was so relieving to know that they could do it without worrying about the aftermath. It was sincere, without any hint of alcohol, fear or hesitation.

Makoto deepened the kiss, circling his waist with one arm while the other grabbed the back of Ai's neck, the latter still holding his face and messing with his hair. It might have seemed wild and rushed but they both knew that it was just months of restrained feelings, months of repressed cravings, months of hidden desires that were drowning in the kiss. It made them forget all the mess and made the other understand everything. Nitori felt how much Makoto missed him, how he still loved him, how he touched him to make sure it was him, it was the real him under his hands. He felt his relief when he recognized his scent and skin. And in return Ai tried to make him feel how sorry he was for leaving him in the morning and how willing he was to prove to him that it wasn't because he didn't love him anymore.

When they parted, eyes full of tears of tiredness and relief, they laughed at how stupid and stubborn they had been. They laughed at themselves for assuming and convincing themselves that the other didn't want them, didn't need them, didn't love them anymore. And they laughed because they had been so lucky to find out how foolish they had been, because if they hadn't mess things up so much last night they might never had fixed their relationship at all. They finally laughed because they really had believed that running away from problems would preserve them. And in the end it was because they put themselves in a big fucked up problem that they saved their relationship.

“From now on let's be honest instead of 'trying to protect each other'.” Makoto whispered against his lips. “No restrained feelings. No fleeing from problems. They'll still be less painful than this.” Nitori nodded. It was so good to be back in this embrace again.

“If you ever hide your love away from me again, I'll show all of these hickeys to Rin.” He threatened him between two kisses.

Makoto suddenly backed up and looked at him with betrayed eyes.

“We've only barely made up and you already want me dead?! Make up your mind Ai.”

Nitori let a tearful giggle escape and wiped his eyes. It was so great being able to act like before, like almost nothing happened, like all of these painful months had been erased by a kiss.

“I won't tell a word if you take me home and stay with me for the day.”

“And cuddle on your bed while watching stupid western movies?”

“That too. And maybe help me wash myself before my room-mate comes back.”

Makoto blushed a little and Nitori realized all the innuendo this phrase could contain. Because, no, he didn't mean it that way. But when Makoto closed the door of his room and lifted him up in his arms for another kiss he didn't mind whether or not his boyfriend misunderstood him. Not at all.

 

oOo

 

It had been some weeks since their big drama but now everything was perfect. And despite the fact that they caught up the months they wasted with their stupidities, they were really discreet about their renewed relationship. They wanted to take the time to savour it, intimately, without anyone disturbing them. They got back to normal and...

“I almost preferred them when they were whiny and pitiful. Now they're just disgusting and unnerving.”

They barely glanced at Rin between two tender kisses and the later faked a barfing sound while Haruka baked some mackerel, hiding an amused smile.

“Stop acting tsundere, you were the first one to cry over their break-up.” He teased him while serving him his lunch. Rin denied with a blush, focusing on the TV to try and forget the couple who were being horribly cute beside him.

Watching them, Haruka had to agree. They were both really happy that their stubborn idiot friends had gotten back together. But still, it was hard to support them every week-end, when Makoto was coming over and they practically made-out on the floor. And Haruka wondered why they even broke-up in the first place when they were this lovey-dovey and when the worst fight they seemed to have was about who was the one who would feed the other.

Sometimes Haruka just wanted to kick them out of his house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end my dears ! Hope you enjoyed the story ! More Makoai will come soon and I hope you will read them as well !
> 
> Kisses to all of you cuties !


End file.
